What are some funny and smart quotes?

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

Why do Americans and foreigners alike describe the USA as prudish? Why do I see nothing prudish about the USA society? USA feels like one of the loosest countries although Americans claim to be very reserved.

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

Do you suck dicks with no reciprocation?

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

Why does my dog keep licking at her privates now? She is 7 years old and has barely started licking there. The vet said she’s fine but she keeps doing that.

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”