Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

I had run out of hope.

How do I know if I am a bitch? I try to be a nice person but people often jokingly call me a bitch. My family calls me a bitch sometimes too.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s here now, writing to you.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

I feel so attached and in love with a dead celebrity. My love for anyone else is overshadowed by my love for him. What does this mean?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

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This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

You are like me, then.

What do you do when you are struggling to fall asleep?

I was tired of fighting.

The sadness was still there.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

What is your most intimate experience with your best friend?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

I was tired of trying and failing.

How do people develop stage 4 cancer without noticing until it’s too late?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

It’s still here.

Why have Indian girls almost stopped wearing sarees?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Research suggests Big Bang may have taken place inside a black hole - Hacker News

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Be who you already are.

And the sadness?

Can the right person make a narc want to change their ways? Is love that powerful? Has anyone seen this or experience it?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.